One day I found myself reaching for whimsical ways of learning a new skill, creating art.

I’ve been recovering from perfectionism most of my adult life. It helped me be a good student, but at age 16 it almost gave me a painful ulcer in my stomach.

Thank goodness a doctor taught me a technique to relax my body. I was happy to learn I could do something about the pain in my gut & I didn’t need an operation as I feared.

Fifty-five years later, as I attempt to illustrate a children’s story, that old familiar perfectionist comes up again.

Recently, I ran across notes from a fun art workshop I attended in 2021, called “Wild Abandon in Sketching & Watercolor” led by Jill Badonsky. The notes were entitled “Wild Abandon Aftercare” and it said just what I needed to hear. Here’s a few quotes from Jill Badonsky:

1. Return to who you are
2. Practice your passion “Dailyish,” … Even “inconsistently” is better than not at all because everyday didn’t work.
3. There’s no right or wrong in art.
4. Work the tolerance muscle, confidence, belief in yourself & your work, enjoyment for what you’re doing—incrementally. Crack the door open to it.
5. 15 seconds of complete confidence at a time. Act as if you have confidence …. whenever possible.
6. Have Fun – let go of your expectations to be perfect or even create something salvageable. Lower expectations to begin, let go of the delusion that you will like everything — this will save you some crankiness and send you into the unexpected discovery of what’s waiting for you.
7. Summon Fierce Courage and Staying-Power ~ Despite the flubs carry on. Confidence, courage, and perseverance are three of the MOST important ingredients to both creative success and enjoyment of the process. Set your intention on cultivating those things rather than making perfect finished products.
8. Turn-up Your Mindfulness ~ Practice curiosity and acceptance. Allow for all feelings and thoughts about your work. Relax and welcome both the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Creativity requires this ability to tolerate the whole spectrum of experiences. We are creating more than art … we are creating a more resilient self.
9. Gently Tweak Your Belief System ~ Ask questions: What would it feel like to believe you will create works of art you love? What would it feel like to be okay with whatever happens? How would it feel to be true to your own voice without worrying about what others think?

I looked at the drawings she had us draw in 2021 with our eyes closed. I was amazed they were so good and whimsical, flowing and fun. (FYI – We painted them afterward with our eyes open.)

So I tried the same thing with the pictures for my story, with my eyes closed this time. I was amazed. What I saw was the beginning of fun, whimsical pictures.

No, not perfect, but actually more fun, fluid, and inviting for a children’s story. The three “perfect” pictures I have already painted for the story now look rather rigid in comparison. Oh well. Maybe they’re good enough.

I will continue to try, try again. Not a fast process this art, this learning a new skill. But Jill’s “wild abandon” reminded me to get out of my own way, let pen & paint flow, and remind myself whatever I do is “good enough.” It doesn’t have to be perfect. In fact, my art looks better when it’s not perfect. Who knew!

If I can just refrain from comparing my art with the art of someone who’s been practicing for 20 years. In this high tech age, I expect things to happen overnight. I need patience with my process. Just one baby step at a time. Yes, I know, “keep coming back.”

Why does it take courage to get up to bat, to begin again, to try once more?

Fear of the unknown and fear of making mistakes I guess. That old primitive brain trying to protect me again? Thanks, but no thanks.

Jill encourages us to respond to our self-critical voice with our rebellious teenager: “So what! I’m doing it anyway!”

I’m learning to just close my eyes, feel the fear and do it anyway!

I may be pleasantly surprised what happens the next time I do art ….

with my eyes closed.