My first sight of LA was from an airplane at night. I’d never seen so many lights. It was rather beautiful, like a giant carpet of sparkling gems.

We were newlyweds then and took a cheap midnight flight to LA for my husband’s job interview.

As native Northwesterners, who met & married in Seattle, Washington, we were used to seeing evergreen forests beside the freeways.

“Where are all the trees?” I ask my husband as we drove down the LA freeway full of cars. “It’s so bright here,” I complain, squinting & covering my blue eyes accustomed to the overcast, gentle light of the Northwest.

His job interview the next day went very well. They even took us out to lunch in Manhattan Beach. After lunch, they drove us along the ocean and I admired the vibrant pink bougainvillea I’d never seen before, growing along the hillside.

It reminded me of the vivid, bright colors embroidered on traditional Mexican clothes. Since California was once part of Mexico, I wondered if these flowers inspired the vibrant colors of Mexican embroidery.

Later, my husband and I walked along the beach. He was trying to help me like this place. I wasn’t so sure.

When we walked by the tall smoke stacks of Chevron oil refinery right on the beach, I started to cry. Such a thing would never be allowed on the Oregon Coast where I grew up. I felt deep in my heart it was terribly wrong to have an oil refinery near the ocean.

The next day, they offered my husband the job. I still remember the joy that took over his face as he held my hand and looked into my eyes.

“This job is a great opportunity. Will you move here with me?” his voice & eyes timid yet full of hope.

How could I say no. After all, he thought it wouldn’t be more than a couple years, he’d get some good job experience & then we’d return to our homeland to start a family. He knew I didn’t want to raise children in this big crowded, polluted city. So I agreed to this new adventure, moving to a city where we didn’t have any friends, except each other. I consoled myself that it would be a good fresh start for us, far away from his old girlfriends in Seattle.

After 4 months in LA, we bought a small home in a community near LAX where it was more affordable.

We were shocked at the high prices of homes. Yes, even back then, 1984. We made new friends in the neighborhood. They were kind, friendly people who welcomed us into their homes.

Most of our neighbors also came from other places. I discovered, like us, many people in LA moved here for a job, far away from family. That’s why people in LA often create a family of friends in their community.

I learned wherever you go, you can find good, kind people, even in LA, a place I thought I’d never live!

We gradually got used to the warmer temps, less noticeable seasons, & odd sunny, warm Christmas days. We enjoyed the freedom of stepping outside with no thought of whether we needed a coat or an umbrella. And we were pleasantly surprised old friends from the Northwest sometimes stopped by to visit us on their way to Disneyland.

Time passed and we had a baby boy. After he was about 2 years old, we tried to have another child. I had two miscarriages within two years and I wondered if I could have another child. Then finally it happened and our second & last child was born, a baby girl.

Both kids were big, healthy nine pound babies, so both had to be delivered by C-section. I found out I was a lot stronger than I thought.

It was through motherhood and Mommy & Me parenting classes that I finally discovered a career I loved, teaching parenting classes with pre-k parents & their kids in many schools throughout LA Unified School District. I was already an MSW(social worker) & was able to get a teaching credential to teach parents. I became a traveling parent education teacher which meant I had to carry all my teaching supplies from school to school. I looked like the bag lady for my first class. Luckily, a more experienced teacher showed me how to organize my supplies in plastic boxes & a teacher’s cart and that made a world of difference. Thank you Marcy!

I had great teacher mentors who trained me well. I taught for about 10 years and was promoted to be a teacher advisor for 5 years. I also developed & taught classes for parents of teenagers, while raising two of my own.

After funds were cut for the Parent Education Dept, I started my own private practice coaching parents for about 8 years.

I also taught kids, parents, teachers & school principals the “Bullies to Buddies” method for dealing with bullying & teasing.

Izzy Kalman, a NY school psychologist, developed this effective method. He trained & certified me to train kids and adults. The kids learned it faster than the adults. They enjoyed the fun role plays that empowered them with effective tools for dealing with teasing & bullying.

Teaching and coaching parents was the most meaningful career of my life. There’s a saying, “you teach what you need to learn” and I learned a ton, which also helped me be a better mother to my own kids. (But you might ask their opinion about that.😊)

Teaching all over LA County expanded my mind & increased my compassion for families who live in what my white friends considered “the scary side of town.” I met some of the most dedicated, clean, hardworking, family-oriented people in the poorest neighborhoods. They had the wealth of community with one another, often not seen in financially wealthy neighborhoods. They needed each other to survive. I noticed, even-though they had low incomes, they were very generous sharing food with one another for class snacks & our last class potluck.

They’d often bring me gifts to thank me on the last day of class. I recall one time a Spanish speaking mother gave me & my interpreter each a gift card and said, “You changed my life with my [teenage] daughter. Things are much better now because of these classes.”

I was amazed.

And it wasn’t just mothers. Fathers were also very appreciative of the classes. One father was so grateful he gathered up a collection & presented me with a lovely suit from the garment district where he worked downtown.

I was stunned he did this.

He said the role plays we did really helped him with his child who often threw tantrums at the grocery store. Once again, I was amazed.

I’m grateful our classes brought parents together and increased the sense of community at each school. Their kids, now in their 20’s, benefited more than we know.

I used to be a realtor when my kids were little, but my kids liked it better when I became a teacher because I was home on weekends & not interrupted my client phone calls, etc.

Later, when my dad died, and I needed to rent out his house, I was grateful for my real estate experience. Nothing you do is wasted. You never know when it will help you later down the road.

Fast forward many years …

The kids grew up and left home for college and eventually landed good jobs.

They don’t need me like they use to, and that’s good. But, like most mothers, it’s been a long process of letting go. I never stop caring about them, even-though I no longer need to care for them. They’re on their own now, blazing their own trails. I’m very proud of both of my adult children.

Whenever I worry about them, I remind myself,

“It’s their journey.”

And this is my journey ~

Unfortunately, after 30 years of hard work, our marriage did not work out as I had hoped.

I didn’t want to be another divorce in the family, so I hung in there for a very long time. It was very humbling to finally face the reality that things were not going to change and if I wanted a different life, I needed to be the one to make a change. That change meant mustering the courage to leave.

“When it’s time to go, you’ll know, and you’ll feel very calm about it,” a wise old woman told me long ago.

That time came. I had a calm inner knowing that I needed a place of my own. I guess the Universe heard me, because things started to flow with every little step I took.

It was amazing. Despite my anxieties, I found my new place within a month.

Quotes like these helped me along the way ~

Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid. ~ Dorothea Braude

The life you have lived doesn’t need to be the only life you have ~ Anna Quindlen

Believe you must take your chance. Believe in fresh starts and new beginnings. ~ from the book “Believe,” by Dan Zadra & Kobi Yamada (thank you Victoria for this book)

Fast forward 10 years …

Now I’m preparing to make another big life change. I’m moving back to my beloved homeland soon, a dream I’ve had for a very long time. (Read my blog post “Pursuing Possibilities” May 7, 2023 re: how I came to that decision)

It’s been a year of many small steps, some timid, some bold. A wonderful side benefit of preparing to move away is that many of my LA friends have reached out to meet me for lunch or dinner before I leave. Some days I feel great joy about moving to Oregon and other days I feel sad to leave my dear friends in LA, (you know who you are.)

Forty years ago, when we moved to LA, I didn’t know that this strange, unknown land had many angels waiting for me in the disguise of friends, teachers, parents & children.

It’s been a rich, challenging, memorable experience here in Los Angeles. I grew my adult life here, from age 29 to 69. LA changed me for the better & I hope I changed LA a bit for the better too.

When I pack my bags and the movers arrive the end of April, I’ll bring with me the good memories and the love I have experienced here.

Thank you Los Angeles.

Despite your crowded freeways, air pollution, expensive housing, and an oil refinery on the beach,

you are “the City of Angels.”